How did that happen?
When did that happen?
I'm feeling a bit misty-eyed and teary.I was recently e-mailing with a new friend about becoming a mother, and I thought, maybe I should share some of those thoughts here, with you.
I'm not the sort of person who was gaga over babies. To be honest, before having NJ, babies made me SO nervous. I looked at them from afar, cute little creatures, never holding (until my niece, who arrived four months before my own due date). I always wanted to be a mom, but I never felt an overwhelming maternal instinct...
Until. that wonderful day on April 30, 2011
When my life changed.
What is Motherhood?
It's the hardest job on the planet that you will be continuously unprepared for. You will never know the answer, or if you're doing the right thing. It's sweat and tears. Talking and listening. Overthinking. Endless, endless negotiating. You will feel tired almost all of the time.
It is love beyond measure.
It is giggles and smiles. Practicing tumbles on the bed. It is hearing the words "I love you mama" and having a hard time believing that's you, even three years later. It's reading out loud and messy finger painting and playing with homemade playdough. It's having an adventure walking to the mailbox.
I'm somewhere between the mom I am, and the mom I want to be. The mom who makes homemade gifts. Who bakes birthday cupcakes. Who is present. The mom who does what she loves, who has her own life too. The mom who somehow is always trying to find the balance between a full-time working gig and all that other stuff I want to be. doing all the things. being all the things. finding endless patience that I didn't even know I had. discovering myself. being myself. living. breathing.
Today you are 3.
You love the colour purple.
You ask you dance to your favourite song. Which is this, if you're curious.
You watch Barney and The Wiggles. Mostly Barney. I know all the songs.
Yesterday you asked: "do you have any mini eggs? NO? do you have any chocolate? NO? Easter has given you a real introduction to chocolate this year.
You are an excellent sleeper. Thank You.
You practiced blowing out your birthday candles before they were even lit. It was so sweet.
You know what letters spell your name.
You love ducks. and trucks. and school buses.
We love you to the moon & back